Grumpy Gus

grumpyI know I keep promising to write a witty, funny, sunny sort of blog soon, and I will – I swear.  It just won’t be this one.

I’m starting to amass a list of things I don’t like.  Not a real list, like the ones my wife sticks on the fridge, computer, front door, toilet seat, or wherever I can’t pretend I didn’t see them.  This is a mental list, and it’s growing.  Not good when your brain cells are dying off faster than you can say ‘Old Fart’.  There’s limited space in the old gray matter cavern, and it’s mostly taken up with computer passwords, anniversaries and peoples names.

Most of you know how I feel about Spring and cats (notwithstanding the hilarious feline antics that some fellow bloggers post), but I have a couple more things to add to my ‘dislike’ list.

The first addition has been pending for quite a while now, but I’m sure after the last couple of weeks, it’s a permanent member of the ‘things I don’t like’ mental list.  It’s also, like springtime, nothing I can do anything about – at least not practically.

It’s Tuesday.  That’s right, the day after Monday.  You might think it odd that the most despised day of the week is not on the list, but the day after is.  I have my reasons.

We already know what to expect on Monday.  First day of the work week for most of us, so everyone’s tired and burned out from the 2 day fun marathon we call the weekend.  Monday sucks, but we all know that, so there’s a grace period for sloggy, dumb behavior. It’s like a goof amnesty.  You’re late, or say something completely stupid, and you get a pass on it – it’s Monday after all.  It’s a life version of a Mulligan.

Tuesday though.  Oh, boy! You better be on your game, buster!  It’s down to brass tacks on Tuesday.  No forgiveness, no Mulligans.  Heavy, brain-sucking meetings take place on Tuesdays.  Traffic is ALWAYS the worst on Tuesdays.  And no one is gonna let you in!  You would’ve gotten the polite wave on Monday, but Tuesday?  Suck it up, Buttercup!

It’s usually also the worst day for weather – in fact, around here, we’ve had tornadoes touch down twice this month – both on Tuesdays.  Even if it’s sunny, it sucks, because instead of being out there in it, you’re stuck in your dull cubicle, having the life-force evaporated from your soul.

Bills are always due on Tuesdays.  I have no way to prove this, but I’m pretty sure it’s true.

Tuesdays suck – and there’s nothing we can do about it, unless we move the weekend forward or back a day or two.

The second thing that bugs me is a little more seasonal.  No, it’s not the weather exactly, but what happens when the weather is nice.  On all of our roads and streets, they have hatched in huge numbers – maybe because of the excess snow we had last winter, or possibly because of the late spring, but it’s undeniable.  There’s a plague of them out there.

Of course, I’m speaking of scooters.  Mopeds, Vespa’s and the like.  Annoying, buzzing little traffic snarlers, blocking lanes and impeding the civilized flow of vehicular traffic around town.  They’re even worse than cyclists!  At least with bikes, you can flip them off based on the way they dress in those ‘leave nothing to the imagination’ smug biking shorts.

scooterWith scooters, it feels like you’d be making fun of people in a wheelchair or something.  They ride around at the speed of government, with over-sized bodies and over-sized helmets, tiny little tires, and usually carrying something that has no business being on something that small.

I actually saw a guy on a Moped once, carrying home a Christmas Tree! No lie!

No one in a car knows how to deal with these uber-slow traffic cones, either.  Can you pass them?  I don’t know.  So, most of us follow along at idle speed, hoping they turn into a driveway or onto the sidewalk.  Usually, they’re headed exactly the same way you are, so you eventually have to veer around them like Mario Andretti, hoping not to be seen by the police.

There should be a minimum speed limit law, like they have in Quebec.  You know things are bad when you use Quebec as a standard for logical legal examples.  It’s like the Canadian version of Texas.

I guess I should stop now.  I think I’ve managed to annoy enough groups, one province and the Lone Star state, but I feel better…until I have to add to my list again.


2 thoughts on “Grumpy Gus

  1. I am well familiar with Grumpy Gus, but did not know that Quebec is the “Canadian version of Texas.” They don’t have anything nice to say about anyone else though, as far as I can tell, since I don’t speak French.

    We haven’t had an onslaught of scooters here in DC…yet…

    • The people and culture are really worth a visit, but it’s a bit of a wild-west place relative to our very conservative country. Laws are more like recommendations in Quebec. No guns or long-horn cattle, though.

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