Southpaw Sorrows


Truly, we are the probably the last publicly marginalized, reviled and scoffed at social group on the planet –  we ‘left-handers’.

From the old Catholic-school nuns who swung yard sticks like Japanese Katana’s with the same stealth and accuracy across our sore, crippled knuckles,

nun to 3-ring binders that defied our ability to write even the most simple notes on the page, left-handed people have had to endure pain and abuse all our lives.

Back in the 50’s and 60’s, left handed kids were about as popular as the witches of Salem.  In fact, lefties were at some point, considered possessed when writing with the ‘wrong’ hand.

Looking at the contorted, sideways scribbling we do, it’s hard to argue the point.  Dragging your hand through fresh ink leaves an ugly stain and smears the writing as you go.  No wonder those angry old nuns would rattle their sabers at us.

We huddle and hunch when we write, looking like a circus side-show, trying to hide the hideousness of our affliction, fearful of public humiliation and scorn from ‘normal’ people.

Life doesn’t really offer much sympathy for the left-handed either.  Considering that we make up about 10% of the population, you’d think we would have formed some sort of support group by now.

Maybe a bunch of angry lefties tried, but when they wrote their manifesto, all the ink smeared and no one could read it…

There was even a Simpson’s episode, where the only left-handed cartoon character that exists, made a go at it and failed:

left ned

Poor old Ned – between being maligned for his faith, overly optimistic nature and being cursed with left-handedness, he really didn’t stand a chance in this cruel world of ‘righties’.

Scissors are made for right-handed people.  Did you know that?  Probably not, since most of you are right-handed.  That’s just it, isn’t it?  Why would you know?  Life is great for you. Sports equipment, outboard motors, tools, cars – all favor the right-handed world.

I did find one big advantage we lefties have (at least in North America);  Drive-thru’s.

drive thru

Whether it’s a bank machine, fast-food joint, or dry-cleaners, the transaction takes place on the left side of the car – perfect for us southpaws!  Tapping the screen on the ATM is a dream.

Watching right-handed people drop their bank cards out the window because they don’t have the dexterity for drive-thru’s is hilarious!

I guess in the end, it’s not all bad for us.  It’s worth noting that lefties are generally more intelligent than our right-handed brethren, too.   And we have a tendency to be more creative – part of the whole right-brain, left-brain thing.

So next time you see someone scrunched over a piece of paper like Quasimodo, give them some space and a bit of reverence.  They may be creating a masterpiece…that no one will ever see because of the horrible smear marks.


3 thoughts on “Southpaw Sorrows

  1. Thank goodness that it’s the 2010s – no one actually WRITES anymore. Left-handed typists are hardly ever singled out and laughed at.

    This must be the last form of discrimination left in American (I’m reliably informed by Fox that other forms of racism have been stamped out). Lefties should form a voting bloc and elect the first left-handed President! Oh, wait – we already have one.

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