You know that feeling you get when you see pictures of yourself at a party and you gasp at how old and flabby the photographer made you look?
It shakes the soft foundation of your fragile ego. Well, this blog isn’t about that….at least not directly.
I’ve been reading back on some of my older material, and decided that I’ve been a bit bitter lately. Not ‘Ben’s Bitter Bog‘ bitter, but at least pretty sarcastic with a touch of nasty thrown in.
But that’s not me! Like those terrifying photos, where I try to convince myself it was bad lighting or the camera put on 10 or 40 pounds, I want people to know that this guy is actually pretty light-hearted and fun.
I can tell jokes, and smile at strangers. I even used to whistle, until I heard on the radio that no one whistles anymore….except for old people. That sucks, but what song would you whistle to now anyway? ‘Wrecking Ball?’ ‘Uptown Funk?’ Not exactly whistling music. Even older stuff by my standards wouldn’t do. ‘Black Dog?’ ‘One Scotch-One Bourbon-One Beer?’ They wouldn’t work either….maaaaybe ‘Hotel California’.
Anyway! Back to me.
So, I had this epiphany about being a bit too negative, and realized that I don’t want that to be etched on my gravestone. I mean, that’s the one thing in your life that really is written in stone, isn’t it?
Oh, boy – now you probably think I’m being morbid and obsessed with death. Not true! In fact, I typically take stupid risks believing that I won’t get hurt.
Alright – off topic again. This self-realizations stuff is harder than I thought.
Back to the blog. I think I need to start being more positive. More glass-half-full, as they say. I need to share the silver lining in life more often, and leave people smiling and happy. And, dammit! That’s what I’m gonna do, even if I hate it, and have to drag my family along kicking and screaming on this impossible mission!
For starters, I’m going to stop commenting on all those political attack ads. They are poison to the soul, and I for one, will not be a party to such negativity. Of course, if it’s against someone I support, it would be wrong to just allow malicious comments go unchecked.
Springtime has not been my favourite season. You may have even read an earlier blog from me, attacking this very important part of the year. In fact, it’s my second favourite season – right behind the other 3. But, I’m a new man, and I will embrace the spastic weather, the frozen then thawed dog poop stuck to the bottom of my shoes, and those annoying little bugs that show up and get into everything. Yup – I am Mr. Spring Sunshine and Rain! I’m almost even looking forward to allergy season. Bring on the pollen!
Traffic is another area where I will transcend road rage and frustration, and will endeavor to find peace and harmony even if that dingbat in the left lane won’t move over. People who cut me off are simply poor heathens who aren’t as developed as I am. So, I will wave a finger at them in show of support of their growth opportunities. And I can’t forget to smile while doing it…it’s important to repeat actions until they become habits.
Telemarketers are brothers, sisters, children, parents and friends, just like real people. Why should I add to the misery of their scum-sucking jobs by yelling at them for interrupting my supper, or TV, or staring at the wall? No, from now on, I’m going to engage them in a fully detailed account about my colonoscopy. If they give me their email address, I can even send them some high-res pictures. Who else but a complete optimist would be happy to share a bit of their personal lives with a total stranger? Now, that’s sharing with my fellow man!
I’m already feeling very in tune with nature, just by opening up and sharing with you, my faithful blog-groupies. The sun is shining a little bit brighter as the glare blinds my path. Birds that nest in my dryer vent sound all the sweeter as I try to dig them out with a broom stick. I even feel healthier and lighter, particularly since I switched to stretch-waist pants.
Wow! Being a positive, optimistic blogger has been a life-changing process. No more crabby weather complainer, or disgruntled customer service guy. From now on, it’s all good!
Even today, while watching the hockey game, I was overheard saying, ‘Good call, ref!’. Ahhh…peace and harmony.
By the way, there really is a ‘Ben’s Bitter Blog’ – it’s really depressing!!