I’ve said this before, but it’s worth repeating – I don’t like Spring. It’s easily the worst season (winter being a close second after the one we just had) of the 4.
For many, it’s the promise of better weather and warmer, longer days. That’s ‘a good thing‘, as Martha would say.
It’s true – Spring means that Summer is on its way, so we shrug off the Winter blah’s, stow away those heavy ugly winter clothes and bring out the lawn furniture.
But not so fast, my friends! Spring is a false season. It’s a liar. Spring is not about nice weather and sunny days. That’s Summer – let’s not confuse the two. Spring steals all of Summer’s thunder, literally, and offers nothing of value for itself. It’s like a cheap sidekick as an opening act for the real performer.
It doesn’t help that I really suffer from springtime allergies. In Canada, we celebrate the May ‘2-4’ weekend, which falls, not coincidentally, on the weekend closest to May 24th. I think it was a British Queen’s birthday, so as ex-patriots, and exploiters of the monarchy, we mug every long weekend we can out of them. I used to think it was named after a case of beer…college days!
It’s the first long weekend of warm weather, but for me it’s a double-edged sword. This is also the time of year that all the lovely trees are bursting forth with their pollen-spawn, clogging up my sinuses and attacking my immune system. I usually spend it in the basement with a bottle of Benadryl and box of tissues.
Yup, Spring is a total poser – a cheap veneer, looking like a real season, but it’s just a mirage – a delusion, tricking us into liking it. Don’t believe me?
Let’s look at the differences:
- Long days of sun
- Warmest weather we’ll see all year
- Beer gardens & patios
- Swimming pools
- Days at the beach
- Pina Colada scented suntan lotion
- Rain and/or snow and/or sleet and/or freezing rain
- Weather that makes you think it’s summer until you go outside and are freezing in 10 minutes
- All the dirt, garbage, dog bombs, brown grass, and other nasties that were hidden in the snow
- The smells…yuck!
- Mosquito spray
- Dead skunks, racoons, or anything else trying to procreate by crossing a busy road
- Allergies (it’s worth mentioning twice)
- Birds nesting in my dryer vent
I used to think birds nesting was kind of cute. In our first house, they nested in the vent for the bathroom fan. At first is was sweet, being sung to by those melodic, hungry little chicks in the morning while taking care of business, but like all animals, they grew up and trashed the house. The mess down the outside of my home was a toxic, sticky sludge that had baked into the siding.
See? Spring is a lousy season. It’s only positive is that it’s followed by Summer, so it gets the polite applause it doesn’t really deserve. It rides on the coat-tails of our greatest season, taking all the credit: “Spring showers bring May flowers” – like it’s supposed to make us all warm and fuzzy about dreary, wet days.
Walking the dog this morning, I noticed that the receding glaciers from this past Winter are exposing a lovely collection of pop cans, wrappers, and poop – literally some was on top of one of those green utility boxes. ON TOP! That was some dog, I tell you.
The weather was too cold for Spring attire, but because it was above freezing, everything was a muddy mess. Just to cap it off, a bug – probably the only one alive this time of year – flew directly into my ear.
Oh, yeah. Let’s welcome Spring, but only because it means that the main attraction is somewhere in the wings, waiting to make it’s appearance.
I can only hope that this Spring is a one-act show….